Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
