her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
