Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
