So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
