The maid of honor just puked.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
