I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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