we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
