dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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