that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A+ Viking dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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