my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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