Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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