one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
