How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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