Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
