She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
