so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
