You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
