i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
