I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
