Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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