I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
where are my eyebrows?
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