why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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