Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
