TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
