sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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