In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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