P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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