I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
