Sry I called you an 8
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
