If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
