I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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