went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
