And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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