Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
