Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
