i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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