Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
