He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
