I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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