So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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