I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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