but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
