i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
