so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
