I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
