If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
