you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
