I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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