i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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