i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
