I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need water and some morals
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize