stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize