Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
