is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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