were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
