Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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