bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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