Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are a genius and a whore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
