you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
