The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
