I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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