Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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