dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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