i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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