Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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