I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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