I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
