So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
