Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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