How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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