Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
