Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
