so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
