check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
