Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
