Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
