no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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