Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
