wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
