this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize