your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
