I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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