Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
