wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize