yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
