I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what day is it and did you see me today?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
