her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You made out with two different species that night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
