K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
