Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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