wakey wakey hands off snakey
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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