I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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