Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
