i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
