i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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