How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
