just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
