You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
