I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
