So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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