you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
